Kubaka imibanire myiza Igice cya 2: Uburyo bwo kuvugana

Mu muco nyarwanda kwihererana ibyo uri gucamo bifatwa nk’ ubupfura. Mu gihe, ijambo ry’ Imana ryo riduhamagarira gukora ibirenze no gusangira ibyo turi gucamo. Riduhamagarira kubwirana intege nke zacu.¹“Mwaturirane ibyaha byanyu kandi musabirane, kugira ngo mukizwe. Gusenga k’umukiranutsi kugira umumaro mwinshi, iyo asenganye umwete.”
‭‭Yakobo‬ ‭5:16‬ ‭BYSB‬‬
https://www.bible.com/351/jas.5.16.bysb Kubera uyu muco wo kudasangiza abandi amakuru yimbitse, usanga abantu bifuza kuvugana ariko ntibamenye uburyo bwo kuvugana bwabageza ku kubaka imibanire myiza. Mu gice cya mbere, twabonye ibyo umuntu akwiye gukora ku giti cye. Muri iki gice, turareba ku buryo bwo kuvugana hagati yawe na mugenzi wawe. Turabona ibintu bitatu ukeneye kuzirikana.

Kubaza ibibazo bifunguye…

Ikintu cya mbere ukwiye kuzirikana igihe uvugana na mugenzi wawe ni ukubaza ibibazo bifunguye. Gutanga amakuru yagutse si umuco wacu nk’ abanyarwanda. Ibi bigaragarira mu bibazo tubaza cyane cyane mu ndamukanyo. Usanga umuntu akubaza ngo: “Amakuru?” nawe ugasubiza ngo: “Ni meza.”, “Umunsi wawe wagenze ute?” “ Wagenze neza.” Kuburyo n’ igihe byitwa ko umuntu yagusubije usanga nta byinshi byongeye ku mibanire yanyu. Bisaba rero kubaza ibibazo bitera uwo muvugana kuguha amakuru yagutse kurutaho. Ibyo nibyo bita ibibazo bifunguye (open questions). Ni ibibazo bidasubizwa n’ ijambo rimwe nka yego cyangwa oya. Ahubwo bisaba ko usubiza agira ibintu arondora agatanga ibisobanuro byagutse. Urugero, aho kubaza mugenzi wawe ngo: “Umunsi wawe wagenze ute?” bituma agasubiza ngo “Wagenze neza”. Ukamubaza ngo: “Ni ibiki byaranze umunsi wawe?” Kubera ko kugusubiza iki kibazo bimusaba gutondagura ibintu bitandukanye byaranze umunsi we. Ibibazo nk’ ibyo birafasha kubera ko uko arondora ibyaranze umunsi we bituma urushaho kumenya uko yiriwe. Bikarangira uzi neza ibyamubabaje, ibyamuhangayikishije, n’ ibyamunejeje kuri uwo munsi. Mu gukomeza kubaza no gutega amatwi ibisubizo aguha umenya uburyo bwiza bwo kumwitaho bitewe n’ ibyo yanyuzemo. Maze imibanire yanyu ikarushaho kuba myiza.

Gutega amatwi witonze… 

Ikintu cya kabiri ukeneye kuzirikana igihe uvugana na mugenzi wawe ni ugutega amatwi witonze. Abantu benshi bibwira ko bazi gutega amatwi nyamara bibeshya. Nawe ugenzure neza utaba uri muri abo bibeshya. Hari ubwo usanga umuntu azi kubaza ibibazo byamugeza ku makuru akeneye ariko ntabashe gutega amatwi ngo yumve neza ibisubizo ahabwa. Niba ushaka kubaka imibanire myiza ukeneye gukora ikirenze kubaza ibibazo gusa. Ukeneye gutega amatwi witonze ukumva neza ibisubizo uhabwa. Dore ibintu bitatu ukeneye gukora kugira ngo ubashe gutega amatwi witonze. 

Icya mbere ni ugukuraho ibikurangaza. Turi mu gihe ibirangaza byabaye byinshi. Kenshi abantu ntibanamenya ko ibyo bintu biri kubarangaza. Urugero rwa hafi, ni ukuntu ujya gusura umuntu mukaganira muri no kureba televiziyo. Maze mu gihe ukivuga ikintu runaka, kuri televiziyo hagacaho ikindi. Mukareka icyo mwavugaga mukavuga ku biri kuri televiziyo. Bikaza kurangira ntawukibuka ibyo mwavugagaho mbere kandi mukumva ntacyo bitwaye. Niba wifuza gutega mugenzi wawe amatwi witonze ukeneye gushyira ku ruhande ibikurangaza byose. Ukazimya televiziyo. Mudasobwa cyangwa telephone nabyo ukabyigizayo. Ukavugana na mugenzi wawe murebana mu maso. Umukurikiranye ijambo ku rindi. Ntiwumve ibyo avuga gusa ahubwo ukumva n’ uko abivuga ndetse n’ amarangamutima abivugana. 

Icya kabiri ukeneye ni ukudaca mugenzi wawe mu ijambo. Iyo uciye umuntu mu ijambo biba bisa no kumubwira ngo ibyo ugiye kumbwira ntagaciro mbihaye ceceka ubanze wumve ibyo njyewe nkubwira. Niba ushaka gutega umuntu amatwi witonze ugomba kureka akavuga ikimuri ku mutima akakirangiza. Mbere yo kugira icyo umusubiza kandi, ukeneye kubanza kumenya niba ibyo wumvishe aribyo yashakaga ko wumva. Ni ukuvuga ko ijambo rya mbere nyuma y’ uko uwo muvugana arangije kuvuga ni interuro igira iti “Niba numvishe neza uvuze ko…”  maze ugasubiramo mu magambo yawe kandi mu nshamake ibyo yakubwiye. Maze yahakana ko ibyo ataribyo yashakaga kuvuga, ugatuza akongera akagusobanurira kugeza igihe uba uzi neza ko ibyo wumvishe aribyo yashakaga kuvuga. 

Icya gatatu ukeneye ni guturisha ibitekerezo byawe mu gihe mugenzi wawe ari kuvuga. Ntago bihagije ko mujya ahantu hatuje. Abantu benshi iyo muganira usanga aho kugutega amatwi umutima wabo uba uhugiye ku gutekereza icyo baribugusubize cyangwa ibintu bo banyuzemo bijya gusa n’ ibyo uri kubabwira. Maze watangira kumubwira ibyakubayeho akihutira kuguca mu ijambo ngo “nanjye…” maze akakubwira ibyamubayeho nk’ aho wowe ibyakubayeho nta gaciro bifite. Rimwe na rimwe ugasanga ibyo avuga nta n’ aho bihuriye. Ibyo ni ukwikunda kubi kandi byangiza imibanire myiza. Wowe ushobora kuba ubikora ushaka kwisanisha n’ uwo muntu muri kuvugana ngo umwereke ko umwumva. Ariko kenshi bituma ahubwo uyu umuntu abona ko udashaka kumva ibyamubayeho. Wigize umuntu ubyumva aho gutuza ngo we byabayeho umutege amatwi abikubwire. Biba bisa no gutesha agaciro inkuru ye kandi birababaza. Inshingano yawe ya mbere iyo umaze kubaza ikibazo, ni ugutega amatwi witonze ukumva igisubizo uzirikana icyo ijambo ry’ Imana muri Yakobo 1:19 ritubwira kuzirikana ngo “ buri muntu ajye yihutira gutega amatwi ariko atinde kuvuga, atinde no kurakara”² Yakobo 1:19 BIR https://bible.com/bible/395/jas.1.19.BIR.”

Guhitamo neza igisubizo gikwiriye….

Ikintu cya gatatu ukeneye kuzirikana igihe uvugana na mugenzi wawe ni uguhitamo neza igisubizo gikwiriye. Abantu benshi bananirwa gutega amatwi bitonze kubera ko usanga bashishikajwe no gushaka ibisubizo. Nyamara ukuri ni uko umuntu wese ugusangije amakuru ye atari ko aba akeneye igisubizo cyawe. Hari ubwo usanga icyo akeneye ari umuntu umwumva gusa. Cyane ko, ntawashobora kumubonera igisubizo gikwiye atabanje kumva neza ikibazo afite. Gutega amatwi witonze nibyo bigufasha guhitamo neza igisubizo gikwiriye.

Igisubizo cya mbere nyuma yo kumenya ibyabaye ku muntu, ni ukumubaza uko ibyo bituma yiyumva cyangwa ingaruka byamugizeho. Kumenya uko yiyumva n’ ingaruka byamugizeho bigufasha kumenya icyo uyu muntu agukeneyemo. Hari ubwo wasanga ibyamubayeho byamuteye kwiheba none akaba akeneye ko umuhumuririza. Cyangwa se byamuteye kwisuzugura, yumva nta gaciro agifite, akeneye ko umwibutsa agaciro ke karenze ibyo yanyuzemo. Kimwe nuko wasanga byamuteye kumva yiyanze akaba akeneye gusa kumva umubwira ko umukunda. Ashobora no kuba akeneye ubufasha bwawe ariko icyo si icyemezo cyawe, ukeneye gukomeza kumutega amatwi no kumubaza ibibazo bimugeza ku kwifatira icyo cyemezo. We ubwe akaba yagusaba ubufasha akeneye. Kubera ko uramutse uhubukiye kumuha ubufasha atariwe ubyihitiyemo, bituma arushaho kwibona nk’ umunyantege nke cyangwa se akumva wowe umusuzuguye. Aha rero bisaba kwishingikiriza kuri mwuka wera ukemera akaba ariwe ukuyobora mu gihe ufasha uwo muganira kugera ku mwanzuro akeneye. 

Bitekerezeho neza…

Ese wowe ujya ushishikazwa no kumenya amakuru ya mugenzi wawe ku buryo umubaza ibibazo bituma aguha amakuru yagutse? Aho ntubaza amakuru utegereje ko bagusubiza ngo ni meza maze ukikomereza? Ese ujya wibuka kuzigamira uwo mwashakanye umwanya wo kumva amakuru ye arambuye? Cyangwa utegereza ko bizizana gusa? Inkuru mbi ni uko kubona umwanya wo kuganira bitikora cyane cyane muri iki gihe cyuzuye ibirangaza. Bigusaba kubishyiraho umutima ukabitegura. Ugahitamo umwanya runaka ugenera gusangira amakuru na mugenzi wawe. Maze ukigizayo ibibarangaza byose kuganira akaba aribyo mushyiraho umutima byonyine. Maze ugatega amatwi mugenzi wawe witonze nta kurangara cyangwa gutekereza ibyo uri bumusubize ahubwo ugatuza gusa ukamwumva.

Imana idufashe!