Mu bice bine byabanje twagarutse ku bintu bitandukanye umuntu akwiye gukora ngo yubake imibanire myiza hagati ye na mugenzi we. Kubera imiterere y’ubuzima, hari ubwo abantu basanzwe bafitanye imibanire myiza bisanga batari guhuza. Kudahuza niyo ntandaro y’ amakimbirane yose tubona. Muri iki gice, turareba ku gukemura amakimbirane nk’uburyo bwizewe bwo gusigasira imibanire myiza. Turavuga ku ntambwe 3 watera zikakugeza ku gukemura amakimbirane hagati yawe na mugenzi wawe.

Intambwe ya 1: kuvuga icyo utekereza ntacyo ukinze mugenzi wawe

Iteka usanga amakimbirane atangirana no kutumva ibintu kimwe. Kutumva ibintu kimwe nabyo bishobora guterwa n’ibintu byinshi. Mu bice byabanje twabonye ukuntu bishobora guterwa n’uvuga cyangwa ubwirwa. Iyo uvuga atabanje kwakira umwanya we ngo ashyire mugenzi we imbere, ntamuha amakuru mu buryo butuma ayumva neza uko ari. Mu gihe ubwirwa nawe iyo adateze amatwi yitonze nawe atabasha kumva ibyo abwirwa mu buremere bwabyo. Iyo rero hagati y’abantu babiri baganira habaye ayo makosa yombi cyangwa rimwe muri yo, biteza kudahuza. Uko kudahuza niyo ntandaro y’amakimbirane yose. Iyo ayo makosa yombi yahuriranye, usanga uvuga yatanze amakuru atuzuye, n’ayo atuzuye, uwumva ntayumve mu buremere bwayo. Igitangaje ni uko kenshi usanga aba bombi nta n’umwe uzi ibyabaye. Uwavuze yibwira ko yavuze ibyo yagombaga kuvuga, n’uwumva nawe yibwira ko ibyavuzwe ari byo yumvishe. Nyamara bombi bibeshya. Wakwibaza rero uko bigenda igihe aba bombi basabwa gukoresha ibyavuye mu kiganiro cyabo. Urugero nk’igihe aba bombi ari umugabo n’umugore mu rugo cyangwa umukozi n’umukoresha mu kazi. Ntagushidikanya amakimbirane aravuka. 

Wakwibaza uti ayo makimbirane yakemuka ate? Intambwe ya mbere mu gukemura amakimbirane ni ukuvuga icyo utekereza mu buryo bwumvikana ari ntacyo ukinze mugenzi wawe. Ni ukuvuga kumwerurira: ibyo utekereza, impamvu igutera gutekereza gutyo n’intego ufite cyangwa icyo ugamije kugeraho binyuze mu gutekereza gutyo. Umugabo umwe yibwiraga ko umugore we amenye amafaranga yinjiza yayasesagura. Maze ntabwire umugore we umubare w’amafaranga yinjiza. Umugore we akagira ngo yinjiza menshi maze agahora amusaba ibintu bihenze undi adashoboye ibyo bigatuma bahora bashyamiranye. Ese kuvuga icyo utekereza ntacyo ukinze mugenzi wawe muri icyo gihe byaba bisa bite cyangwa byamara iki? Uyu mugabo yakwerurira umugore we akamubwira amafaranga yinjiza uko angana, ubukene bwe bwose, n’impungenge ze. Kuko iyo umugore amenye amafaranga umugabo yinjiza n’ubukene bwabo amenya ibyo babasha kugeraho n’ibyo batashobora. Bityo, ibyo asaba bikajyana n’ubushobozi buhari. Umugore na we agasobanurira umugabo we impamvu ashaka kugura ikintu runaka nubwo cyaba gihenze. Kubimenya bituma umugabo amenya niba icyo kintu ari icyo guharanira cyangwa kwirengagiza. Kubyumvikanaho bikagabanya amakimbirane. Iyi ngingo twayigarutseho ku buryo burambuye mu nyigisho zabanje, by’ umwihariko mu gice cya kane cy’ uru ruhererekane aho twarebye ni hehe umuntu yakura izo mbaraga zo kuvugisha ukuri ntacyo akinze mugenzi.

Intambwe  ya 2: Kumvana ibitekerezo nta buryarya

Intambwe ya kabiri mu gukemura amakimbirane ni ukumva¹ Yakobo 1:19 Nuko rero bene Data bakundwa, umuntu wese yihutire kumva ariko atinde kuvuga, kandi atinde kurakara ibitekerezo bya mugenzi wawe nta buryarya. Ntago bihagije kuvuga icyo utekereza ku buryo mugenzi wawe asobanukirwa icyo ushaka. Ugomba no kuba witeguye nawe kumutega amatwi ukamenya neza icyo nawe atekereza. Kenshi iyo abantu babiri bafitanye amakimbirane usanga buri umwe ashaka kwiharira ijambo ngo yemeze mugenzi we igitekerezo cye. Mu gukemura amakimbirane, tuba duharanira ikirenze kwemeza umuntu igitekerezo runaka. Duharanira guhuza ibitekerezo byombi ngo tugere ku mwanzuro ukwiriye: unyuze impande zombi kandi uzigeza ku musaruro uhambaye ushoboka. 

Mu gihe mugenzi wawe avuga icyo atekereza ntacyo agukinze, wowe usabwa kumutega amatwi witonze. Ukumva neza igitekerezo cye nta buryarya. Abantu benshi usanga bigize nk’aho bari kumva igitekerezo nyamara bari gushakisha aho bamenera ngo babone uko bakwemeza ibitekerezo byabo, ibyo ni ukwihemukira. Impamvu wowe n’uwo mugenzi wawe mufitanye amakimbirane ni uko igitekerezo cyawe cyonyine kidahagije. Ntabwo rero igisubizo ari ukukimwemeza. Icyo ukeneye ni ukumva neza igitekerezo cye, nawe akumva neza icyawe kugira ngo mubashe kurebera hamwe uburyo ibyo bitekerezo byombi byahura bikavamo umwanzuro ukwiriye.

Kumva neza igitekerezo cya mugenzi wawe bisaba ko umwemerera akaba ariwe wemeza ko ibyo wumvishe koko aribyo yashakaga ko wumva. Ni ukuvuga ko iyo mugenzi wawe amaze kukubwira icyo atekereza, igisubizo cyawe cya mbere kiba kuvuga ngo: “Niba numvishe neza uvuze ko… “ Maze ugasubiramo mu magambo yawe, kandi mu nshamake, ibyo yavuze nk’uko wabyumvise. Noneho atanyurwa, akagusubiriramo kugeza mwemeranyije neza ko ibyo yavuze nawe aribyo wumvishe. Hari ubwo usanga umwe mu bashyamiranye ashyigikiye igitekerezo cya mugenzi we. Ikibazo ari uko atahawe umwanya wo kugaragaza nawe uko abyumva. Iyo bimeze bityo, kumutega amatwi witonze biba bihagije kugira ngo amakimbirane akemuke. Iyo bitameze gutyo mukenera kujya ku ntambwe ikurikiyeho.

Intambwe ya 3: Kubona umwanzuro mwembi mushima

Kenshi iyo abantu bafitanye amakimbirane, usanga buri umwe ashaka gukurura yishyira, ngo icyifuzo cye abe ari cyo gihinduka umwanzuro. Ibyo ariko ni ukwibeshya, iyaba icyifuzo cyawe cyari gitunganye nk’uko ubyibwira nta makimbirane yari kubaho. Kandi iyo uza kuba udakeneye ibitekerezo by’abandi, uba uri wenyine, ntaho uba uhuriye n’uwo mufitanye amakimbirane. Ni ukuvuga ko ayo makimbirane mufitanye ari igihamya ko mukeneye ibitekerezo by’impande zombi kugira ngo mugere ku mwanzuro ukwiriye. Aha wakwibaza uti: “Ese umwanzuro ukwiriye ni umeze ute?” Bibiliya iduha imirongo migari yo kugenderaho mu mibanire yacu kuburyo umwanzuro wose abantu bafitanye amakimbirane bageraho udakwiye kuba uri hanze y’iyo mirongo. Icya mbere umwanzuro ukwiriye ntago ugomba kujya hanze y’icyo ijambo ry’Imana rihamagarira abo bafitanye amakimbirane umuntu ku giti cye. Twese Imana iduhamagarira kuyubaha. Bityo umwanzuro uganisha ku gukora icyaha ntukwiriye. Ikindi ni uko Imana iduhamagarira kuba umwe. Ibi biba akarusho hagati y’umugabo n’umugore bashakanye. Umwanzuro wose udatuma umugabo n’umugore basigasira ubumwe bwabo nk’abantu babaye umubiri umwe ntukwiriye. 

Aha rero wakwibaza uti: “Ni gute twagera kuri uwo mwanzuro ukwiriye dushima twembi?” Icya mbere ukeneye gukora, niba ushaka gukemura amakimbirane hagati yawe na mugenzi wawe, ni ugukurikiza intambwe ya mbere n’iya kabiri nk’uko twazibonye haruguru. Ni ukuvuga ukeneye kwerurira mugenzi wawe icyo utekereza, impamvu igutera gutekereza gutyo ndetse n’icyo ugamije kugeraho. Hanyuma ukaba witeguye no gutega amatwi mugenzi wawe na we ukamenya neza icyo atekereza mu buremere bwacyo, impamvu ibimutera n’intego igamijwe. Uko ugenda usobanukirwa icyo mugenzi wawe ashaka, ugenda wumva aricyo gikwiriye gukorwa. Kimwe n’uko na mugenzi wawe, uko agenda asobanukirwa icyo ushaka, agenda yumva aricyo gikwiriye gukorwa. Bityo kuza guhuza ibyo mutekereza mwembi ntago biba bikiri umutwaro. 

Icyo kwitondera 

Abagabo bamwe bitwaza ijambo ry’Imana bagakandamiza abagore babo. Kuba ijambo ry’Imana ritegeka abagore kugandukira abagabo babo²Abefeso 5:22 ‘ Bagore, mugandukire abagabo banyu nk’uko mugandukira Umwami wacu, ‘ ntibivuze ko igitekerezo cy’umugore ku bintu runaka kiburizwamo imbere y’icy’umugabo. Umugore n’umugabo bombi barareshya kuko bose baremwe mu ishusho y’Imana³Itangiriro 1:27 ‘ Imana irema umuntu ngo agire ishusho yayo, afite ishusho y’Imana ni ko yamuremye, umugabo n’umugore ni ko yabaremye. ‘ kandi iyo aba babiri bashyingiranwe bahinduka umubiri umwe.⁴Itangiriro 2:27 ‘ Ni cyo gituma umuntu azasiga se na nyina, akabana n’umugore we akaramata, bombi bakaba umubiri umwe. ‘ Ni ukuvuga ko kudaha agaciro igitekerezo cy’uwo mwashakanye ni nko kubona igice kimwe cy’umubiri kibwiye ko cyakwirengagiza ikindi. Ntago ukuboko kwavuga ngo njyewe ubwo ntari izuru ibyo guhumeka ntibindeba, kwahura n’ibibazo byinshi. Abazi iby’umubiri w’umuntu bazi ko ukuboko gukoresha imbaraga ziva mu mwuka izuru ryinjije. Umuntu ashatse yavuga ko igitekerezo cy’umugabo kiba kituzuye igihe cyose uyu mugabo atabanje gutega amatwi umugore we. Kubera ko hari igice kinini cy’ubuzima bw’uyu mugabo kizwi n’umugore we ndetse no kurusha uyu mugabo ubwe. Iyo rero umugabo atabanje gutega amatwi umugore we icyo gice kiba cyirengagijwe kandi ibyo bigira ingaruka ku myanzuro yafashwe. Gusa nanone iyo ibyo byose byubahirijwe ariko umugabo n’umugore bagakomeza kubura guhuza nyuma yo gufata igihe gihagije cyo kubiganiraho no gusenga, ijambo ry’Imana Imana rihamagarira umugore kwizera Imana akumvira umugabo yamuhaye. Ibyo ariko si ibintu byo guhubukira mugomba kubanza gufata umwanya uhagije wo kubiganiraho, kubisengera, ndetse no kugisha inama aho bishoboka.

Bitekerezeho neza

Ese wowe iyo hari uwo mugiranye amakimbirane wibuka kumubwira icyo utekereza ntacyo umukinze? Cyangwa uricecekera ukamwihorera nkaho ikibazo cyanyu kizikemura?

Naho se iyo uvuga uko ubona ibintu mu gihe utari guhuza na mugenzi wawe ubigenza ute? Uvuga ukuri kose ntacyo ukinze mugenzi wawe cyangwa wivugira gusa ibiri butume ubasha kumwemeza igitekerezo cyawe? 

Nonese iyo uri kumva igitekerezo cya mugenzi wawe uba ugamije iki? Aho ntuba ushakisha intege nke ziri mu byo avuga ngo ubone uko umwemeza ibyo wowe ushaka. Aho kwicisha bugufi, ngo wumve icyo Imana ishaka kuvugana n’umutima wawe binyuze mu gitekerezo cy’uyu muntu?

Ese iyo bigeze igihe cyo gufata umwanzuro bwo ubigenza ute? Uha agaciro ibitekerezo byose cyangwa witwaza icyo uri cyo ugakandamiza abandi nk’aho wowe wenyine wihagije?

Imana idufashe!